“Sweet Delilah” by Roger Dischler
It was spring of 2011. The air was just beginning to warm up and the flowers were already in bloom. It was a particularly cool day and not even a sweater could prepare me for what was about to come next. There I was sitting in my chair playing Xbox when my fiancée Elizabeth began to approach me. She exited the bathroom and in a quiet voice said to me…
“I’m pregnant.”
I turned to her with one eye brow raised and said…”that’s cute.”
I didn’t realize that she was serious.
“Let’s try this again.” Elizabeth had said… “Roger I’m pregnant.”
I wasn’t expecting a moment of seriousness while playing video games. How could I have a child? It always seemed like a good idea but then again everything looks better on paper… right? At that point in time so many things were rushing through my head. “What do I do now? We have no money and we are living with my Mom. “And I’m going to have a baby? I’m going to be a dad!” All of these thoughts good and bad were overflowing inside of my mind. There’s no restart button or next level that I could warp to… only reality.
“Awesome, I’m a Daddy.” I said while nervously thinking to myself “Oh man…”
The main worry that I had at the time was the fact I was going to have to put my college education on hold so that I could get a job. “I had another child to support soon.” I thought to myself.
In fact I had two children that I was going to have to support. You see Elizabeth had a three year old daughter that I accepted as my own; Zoe Zoe. It was going to be different this time though having a child of my own, just because I would get the years that I had missed with little Zoey.
July came soon after the news was announced. It didn’t really come soon; in fact, the time actually seemed to have dragged out kicking and screaming like a child forced to leave the toy store. This was my life now. I had about a month left of summer classes. Three hour classes every day of the week is draining enough on top of that I pursued a job as a laborer on the Wisconsin and Southern Railroad. Now I felt as if everything was going to be okay, even though I was overwhelmed with both job and family going to school and work full time. I was making money; enough to feel as if we were going to make it.
An average day for me was waking up at 2 a.m. and starting work at 3 a.m.; let me tell you that working on the railroad during mid-summer can be exhausting. Work would end anywhere between 3 to 4 p.m. afterwards I would have to drive to the University of Rock County every weekday for class. Usually it was a half an hour to an hour drive just from work to school. Getting home around 8 p.m. was rough, especially when I had to tend to a pregnant fiancé and a three year old child. Elizabeth was always sore and little Zoey just loved to play. Not to mention we all had to sleep in the same room, and let me tell you that a three year old doesn’t understand what “it’s time to sleep” means. I was physically and mentally drained.
“Is this what life is going to be like as a father?” I’d say to myself from time to time.
It was a choice that I wouldn’t and couldn’t regret. I mean I love the family that was coming to fruition; I am hoping that it doesn’t just look good on paper but into practice as well. I also hope that “paper” doesn’t wear too thin trying to keep everything together.
This routine went on for months, just until things got easier in the month of August. School was over and now I was just working 70 hours or more every week. Believe it or not this made a world of difference. Sure I was still exhausted but at least I got a couple more hours in with my girls; Zoey and Elizabeth, before I’d just pass out for bed. This routine ended on October 31st of 2011; just late enough into the evening to miss trick or treating with Zoey, the ground was frozen and my job on the Railroad had ended for the season.
“Now I’m jobless.” I’d say to myself.
“I’m going to have to start looking for some sort of income because I don’t want to have to live with my mother much longer. I can’t… WE can’t live here much longer. The baby still needs stuff, a lot of stuff actually.” I’d start worrying and building so much anxiety that sometimes I didn’t know what to do and that terrified me; yet at the same time I always seemed to get what needed to be done… done. It’s always a “worry for no reason” kind of thing with me.
After a week of not having a job Elizabeth approached me and said “we need to get our own place. We have no room in your mother’s house anymore.” I agreed. No man would be brave enough to argue with such a hormonal woman. There was no other option any way, we needed the room my family was starting, growing and becoming its own. My life just seemed to be one obstacle after another.
Immediately I applied through a temp agency for a job at Simmons Bedding Co. I was surprised, ecstatic really that I got the job the very next day. Things were looking up… for the time being. After working at Simmons for a few months I was still a temp and my little girl was going to be born. That’s right we were going to have a little girl. I was still a temp though and because of this I had no vacation, no sick days and no way to take off of work to welcome my daughter into this world. Fortunate for me, I was a hard worker and it paid off because Simmons had decided to give me two days off for the miraculous day.
We had the name picked out and the day on the calendar all we had to do was wait. Nervous and excited I waited until that day to meet Delilah would come. We had named her after the song “Sweet Delilah” by my favorite band HURT. It only seemed sensible to choose that name after all.
Twelve hour days at work seemed to grow longer and longer. With each anticipating day that grew closer to her birth hours just seemed to go by slower and slower. Time was virtually standing still or so it seemed.
“Soon I was going to have a daughter!” I’d say to myself.
We had gotten a new apartment around Thanksgiving and it was perfect. Everything was coming together. We had a nice apartment in a small town, two running vehicles and time off. There was just one problem… We’re broke. Although we had our new home we had little to no money. I was still beyond worried. I mean we didn’t even have furniture. We needed a place to sit in our house. It was a sad day when I decided to sell my car. I had to, it was the only option in my mind and in reality it was the only way. It wasn’t a running vehicle anyway and sitting with our baby was more important.
Two months before Delilah I sold that car. We now had furniture for our new home and almost everything Delilah was going to need. I’m a dad to be though and I’m still going to go crazy about supporting my family but all I could do was work and hope for the best.
Time passed and finally the day came to meet my little “Lilah.” I was so excited… everybody was. I was at work until 4 a.m. that day, the day before Delilah was born. A twelve hour shift at work soon turned into a 24 hour day. Immediately after work I drove home and filled the car with our already packed clothes, my anxious wife and my sleepy Zoey. We dropped Zoey off that morning. She stayed with my Mother for a couple of days. We drove to the hospital, checked in and then we waited. Oh and did we wait. 12:30 p.m. rolled around; all set up in our maternity room just waiting for Delilah to come, and I still haven’t slept. Full of distress I couldn’t even compare myself to Elizabeth; with what she was about to go through I had it easy.
I laid on the heartless rock of a couch and to my surprise my eyelids grew too heavy for me to hold any longer. My two minute nap was interrupted with Elizabeth frantically exclaiming “get the doctor.”
“You mean right now?” I said
Elizabeth just turned and stared at me.
So it began. The doctor and nurses barged in after me and prepared for a baby. Everything was set and ready to go. The doctor said casually to Elizabeth “push” and Elizabeth yelled back “I’m trying.” I just held her hand and hoped for the best. What else could I really have done?
“I see the head!” The doctor yelled.
“Does everything look okay, Roger?” Elizabeth said.
“Damn that’s a big head!” I had said to myself yet loud enough for all to hear.
The doctor smacked me on the arm and said “that’s the last thing you should say to a woman when she’s pushing a baby out.”
This was so exciting for me; in a few moments I’m going to be a dad. I’ll be holding my little perfect girl in my arms. In a sense I felt like Bit was feeling the same way but all I could see was how pissed off she looked pushing out our big headed baby. Lilah was out and the sweetest voice crying was all I could hear. The nurses cleaned her up and handed her to me to pass along to Elizabeth.
I took a minute for myself.
After everything that I’ve done up to this point I felt as if I deserved this time. To make sure Delilah had all she needed I took this brief section of time and space for myself, to indulge and become lost in the moment. After everything was said and done I now had a 9 lbs. baby taking refuge in my arms.
“Hello Delilah, I’m your Daddy.” I said in a quiet voice
It was such an exciting time in my life. I’m this baby’s Father after all. It was an unbelievable feeling to hold this being that I had a part in creating. She was a part of all of us now, and she help to make our family more complete.
“Welcome to your new family.” I said
As I held Delilah all the worries that I once faced and all of the problems that I knew were just lurking around the corner; well all of that just disappeared. I knew that after accomplishing everything I did in order to make sure my new daughter had everything to be safe and happy that I could do it all again if need be; that I would do it all again for my sweet Delilah.
“I’m pregnant.”
I turned to her with one eye brow raised and said…”that’s cute.”
I didn’t realize that she was serious.
“Let’s try this again.” Elizabeth had said… “Roger I’m pregnant.”
I wasn’t expecting a moment of seriousness while playing video games. How could I have a child? It always seemed like a good idea but then again everything looks better on paper… right? At that point in time so many things were rushing through my head. “What do I do now? We have no money and we are living with my Mom. “And I’m going to have a baby? I’m going to be a dad!” All of these thoughts good and bad were overflowing inside of my mind. There’s no restart button or next level that I could warp to… only reality.
“Awesome, I’m a Daddy.” I said while nervously thinking to myself “Oh man…”
The main worry that I had at the time was the fact I was going to have to put my college education on hold so that I could get a job. “I had another child to support soon.” I thought to myself.
In fact I had two children that I was going to have to support. You see Elizabeth had a three year old daughter that I accepted as my own; Zoe Zoe. It was going to be different this time though having a child of my own, just because I would get the years that I had missed with little Zoey.
July came soon after the news was announced. It didn’t really come soon; in fact, the time actually seemed to have dragged out kicking and screaming like a child forced to leave the toy store. This was my life now. I had about a month left of summer classes. Three hour classes every day of the week is draining enough on top of that I pursued a job as a laborer on the Wisconsin and Southern Railroad. Now I felt as if everything was going to be okay, even though I was overwhelmed with both job and family going to school and work full time. I was making money; enough to feel as if we were going to make it.
An average day for me was waking up at 2 a.m. and starting work at 3 a.m.; let me tell you that working on the railroad during mid-summer can be exhausting. Work would end anywhere between 3 to 4 p.m. afterwards I would have to drive to the University of Rock County every weekday for class. Usually it was a half an hour to an hour drive just from work to school. Getting home around 8 p.m. was rough, especially when I had to tend to a pregnant fiancé and a three year old child. Elizabeth was always sore and little Zoey just loved to play. Not to mention we all had to sleep in the same room, and let me tell you that a three year old doesn’t understand what “it’s time to sleep” means. I was physically and mentally drained.
“Is this what life is going to be like as a father?” I’d say to myself from time to time.
It was a choice that I wouldn’t and couldn’t regret. I mean I love the family that was coming to fruition; I am hoping that it doesn’t just look good on paper but into practice as well. I also hope that “paper” doesn’t wear too thin trying to keep everything together.
This routine went on for months, just until things got easier in the month of August. School was over and now I was just working 70 hours or more every week. Believe it or not this made a world of difference. Sure I was still exhausted but at least I got a couple more hours in with my girls; Zoey and Elizabeth, before I’d just pass out for bed. This routine ended on October 31st of 2011; just late enough into the evening to miss trick or treating with Zoey, the ground was frozen and my job on the Railroad had ended for the season.
“Now I’m jobless.” I’d say to myself.
“I’m going to have to start looking for some sort of income because I don’t want to have to live with my mother much longer. I can’t… WE can’t live here much longer. The baby still needs stuff, a lot of stuff actually.” I’d start worrying and building so much anxiety that sometimes I didn’t know what to do and that terrified me; yet at the same time I always seemed to get what needed to be done… done. It’s always a “worry for no reason” kind of thing with me.
After a week of not having a job Elizabeth approached me and said “we need to get our own place. We have no room in your mother’s house anymore.” I agreed. No man would be brave enough to argue with such a hormonal woman. There was no other option any way, we needed the room my family was starting, growing and becoming its own. My life just seemed to be one obstacle after another.
Immediately I applied through a temp agency for a job at Simmons Bedding Co. I was surprised, ecstatic really that I got the job the very next day. Things were looking up… for the time being. After working at Simmons for a few months I was still a temp and my little girl was going to be born. That’s right we were going to have a little girl. I was still a temp though and because of this I had no vacation, no sick days and no way to take off of work to welcome my daughter into this world. Fortunate for me, I was a hard worker and it paid off because Simmons had decided to give me two days off for the miraculous day.
We had the name picked out and the day on the calendar all we had to do was wait. Nervous and excited I waited until that day to meet Delilah would come. We had named her after the song “Sweet Delilah” by my favorite band HURT. It only seemed sensible to choose that name after all.
Twelve hour days at work seemed to grow longer and longer. With each anticipating day that grew closer to her birth hours just seemed to go by slower and slower. Time was virtually standing still or so it seemed.
“Soon I was going to have a daughter!” I’d say to myself.
We had gotten a new apartment around Thanksgiving and it was perfect. Everything was coming together. We had a nice apartment in a small town, two running vehicles and time off. There was just one problem… We’re broke. Although we had our new home we had little to no money. I was still beyond worried. I mean we didn’t even have furniture. We needed a place to sit in our house. It was a sad day when I decided to sell my car. I had to, it was the only option in my mind and in reality it was the only way. It wasn’t a running vehicle anyway and sitting with our baby was more important.
Two months before Delilah I sold that car. We now had furniture for our new home and almost everything Delilah was going to need. I’m a dad to be though and I’m still going to go crazy about supporting my family but all I could do was work and hope for the best.
Time passed and finally the day came to meet my little “Lilah.” I was so excited… everybody was. I was at work until 4 a.m. that day, the day before Delilah was born. A twelve hour shift at work soon turned into a 24 hour day. Immediately after work I drove home and filled the car with our already packed clothes, my anxious wife and my sleepy Zoey. We dropped Zoey off that morning. She stayed with my Mother for a couple of days. We drove to the hospital, checked in and then we waited. Oh and did we wait. 12:30 p.m. rolled around; all set up in our maternity room just waiting for Delilah to come, and I still haven’t slept. Full of distress I couldn’t even compare myself to Elizabeth; with what she was about to go through I had it easy.
I laid on the heartless rock of a couch and to my surprise my eyelids grew too heavy for me to hold any longer. My two minute nap was interrupted with Elizabeth frantically exclaiming “get the doctor.”
“You mean right now?” I said
Elizabeth just turned and stared at me.
So it began. The doctor and nurses barged in after me and prepared for a baby. Everything was set and ready to go. The doctor said casually to Elizabeth “push” and Elizabeth yelled back “I’m trying.” I just held her hand and hoped for the best. What else could I really have done?
“I see the head!” The doctor yelled.
“Does everything look okay, Roger?” Elizabeth said.
“Damn that’s a big head!” I had said to myself yet loud enough for all to hear.
The doctor smacked me on the arm and said “that’s the last thing you should say to a woman when she’s pushing a baby out.”
This was so exciting for me; in a few moments I’m going to be a dad. I’ll be holding my little perfect girl in my arms. In a sense I felt like Bit was feeling the same way but all I could see was how pissed off she looked pushing out our big headed baby. Lilah was out and the sweetest voice crying was all I could hear. The nurses cleaned her up and handed her to me to pass along to Elizabeth.
I took a minute for myself.
After everything that I’ve done up to this point I felt as if I deserved this time. To make sure Delilah had all she needed I took this brief section of time and space for myself, to indulge and become lost in the moment. After everything was said and done I now had a 9 lbs. baby taking refuge in my arms.
“Hello Delilah, I’m your Daddy.” I said in a quiet voice
It was such an exciting time in my life. I’m this baby’s Father after all. It was an unbelievable feeling to hold this being that I had a part in creating. She was a part of all of us now, and she help to make our family more complete.
“Welcome to your new family.” I said
As I held Delilah all the worries that I once faced and all of the problems that I knew were just lurking around the corner; well all of that just disappeared. I knew that after accomplishing everything I did in order to make sure my new daughter had everything to be safe and happy that I could do it all again if need be; that I would do it all again for my sweet Delilah.
